You Are the Center of the Universe

It can be scientifically proven that you are the center of the universe. Parents have been trying to keep this information away from their children for thousands of years for fear that the information would spoil you. Modern science cannot, however, be denied.

As you may know, astronomers use their extended hand as a crude measurement of distances between objects in the sky: I learned this originally from a star guide from Griffith Observatory in L.A.

You use your hand as a measuring device. You extend your arm straight out in front of you and bend your hand straight up. In the Griffith manual, the width of your index finger equals one degree. The widest span of one’s hand with your fingers touching is about ten degrees, and the span of one’s hand with your fingers spread out is about fifteen degrees.

In other manuals different measures are given, but so long as the group gathered out under the stars is using the same measurement it is a handy means of helping someone find an object relative to other objects in the sky.

Now, when you hold your arm straight out in front of you as described above and slowly spin around 360 degrees in a complete circle, you are in the center of everything around you: in other words, you are the center of the universe.

Skeptics will immediately point out that if everyone else did the same thing, everyone else would also be the center of the universe. That is the magic of it. The epistemological meaning of that theological conundrum will be one that will puzzle you as it has puzzled humanity for millennia.